big love comes in little packages

My attempt at meditation didn't go as planned last night. My two crazy dogs kept perking up and freaking me out a little each time, which did not make for a peaceful environment!

I will say, however, I did find a great new mantra:

"I am beautiful compassion"

It reminds me to be peaceful and loving in all I do. It gives me a sense of calm.

In my new sense of calm I realized something today, I hadn't put much thought into before.

The hallway of our house is adorned with photos, mostly of our children. I look at these photos everytime I walk down my hallway. But, today, it was different.

Today I realized how profound of an effect these photos have on me. A few in particular.

This one embodies so much emotion, a moment of pure love and happiness. A moment I shared with the love of my life, the man I will spend the rest of my wonderful life with.

For me, this photo brings together 2 lifetimes. Two versions of the same person. Two lifetimes in one life. One could not exist without the other.



This is love in it's purest form.



These moments are the ones people live for. The moments people strive for. And I have had them.

It's not that I have never appreciated these moments and how lucky I am to have them. More that I want to make sure I appreciate them everyday and remember that these moments brought us to where we are. That we fought through the tough times to get to these moments. And it has all been worth it.

So, now, I am going to enjoy watching Toy Story 2 for the 300th time in bed with my beautiful little product of true, unconditional love.

And I am going to appreciate this moment.



Oh, before I go, let me share with you a piece of my own little heaven. Oh how I wish her great-grandmother could witness this.

enjoy <3

rebirth

For a few mos now, there has been a lot of chaos in my once peaceful (mostly) home. Not bad chaos, just different. More people, more noise, more to clean.

Tonight, however, my house is silent. My sister and her children are at our mom's house, my husband is at a friend's birthday party, my son is with his father and my baby girl is sleeping soundly in the room next to me.

As my husband and son were getting ready to leave to their respective destinations, I began to ask myself "what am I going to do?" I'm not used to being alone, like this. I am alone everyday, I feel alone most of the time. But, tonight, my house is quiet.

I thought I'd fill my time with mindless television and reading on the internet. As I read, I began to feel the calm. A calm I have not felt in a long time. My mind was quieting, my nerves were settling and I began to think. To REALLY think. Not about what I should do now, who is making so much noise, or how I would handle the next "episode".

I started thinking about how wonderful my life is. How lucky I am in spite of the difficulties/struggles we have. I start thinking about how lucky we are to live in a 3 bedroom house in a mostly quiet and safe neighborhood in Valencia (so lovingly referred to as "Awesometown"). How lucky I am to be able to stay home and not have to deal with the stresses of being a working mother. How lucky we are that we don't have to live in a 1 bedroom apartment somewhere, both of us working to make ends meet and barely making it. Things may not always go the way I want them to. My timelines may not always work out. But, things are always taken care of.... eventually. Bills are paid, food is made.

So, I am sitting here, looking around my house and I realize it is quite a lovely house. We have nice things, comfortable things. And really, do we need nicer? more? bigger? No. I think we don't. I think that as long as we have eachother, and support and love eachother we are fine. I think it's time to write those little "pep talks" and mantras in a visible place. To remind myself of the beauty of simplicity.

I sit here, thinking these things and I realize that it is time for a rebirth. The rebirth of Christine Nicole Brandes. A simpler, happier more content person. Time to appreciate, fully, the beauty that is my life. To appreciate, fully, the love of a wonderful man. To appreciate, fully, the beauty of my children.

I turn on "New Age" channel 856 on DirecTv music channel, I start typing this blog and when I finish it's time for some quiet meditation. To relish in the silence, to be peaceful, to be content.

i fell in love with you

I'm not much as a writer. Here is my attempt at a [simple] heartfelt "poem"

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i fell in love with you the moment i saw you, the moment you spoke my name
the road has been rough, but the pain has been tamed

we fought through the hard times, made it to the other side
we've been through things, that make weaker people hide

some words were meaningless, said in vain
to get the advantage, to play the game

an unfaithful moment, an ego fed
an emotion and feeling, taken straight to the head

a moment in time, that tore us apart
a moment in time, that gave a fresh start

a start that was clean and true
to change the things we thought we knew

to make us stronger, to make us real
to understand each other, and how love can really feel

now we're a story, people wish they could tell
the envy of relationships, where the relationship fell

i saw in you, what love could truly mean
a love that seems possible, only in a dream

a true love, through and through
what it means, to have someone see the real you

to love so deeply, it brings tears to your eyes
to make it worth, all the failed tries

i love you more and more, with every passing day
even more than I can explain or say

i see you, in the eyes of our child
a love and passion, untamed and wild

our future is exciting, it's beautiful and bright
my day is complete laying next to you each night

you hold me, and tell me it will be okay
and life gets better with every passing day

i fell in love the moment I saw you
my love will always be strong and true

thank you for being you
and letting me be me too