rebirth

For a few mos now, there has been a lot of chaos in my once peaceful (mostly) home. Not bad chaos, just different. More people, more noise, more to clean.

Tonight, however, my house is silent. My sister and her children are at our mom's house, my husband is at a friend's birthday party, my son is with his father and my baby girl is sleeping soundly in the room next to me.

As my husband and son were getting ready to leave to their respective destinations, I began to ask myself "what am I going to do?" I'm not used to being alone, like this. I am alone everyday, I feel alone most of the time. But, tonight, my house is quiet.

I thought I'd fill my time with mindless television and reading on the internet. As I read, I began to feel the calm. A calm I have not felt in a long time. My mind was quieting, my nerves were settling and I began to think. To REALLY think. Not about what I should do now, who is making so much noise, or how I would handle the next "episode".

I started thinking about how wonderful my life is. How lucky I am in spite of the difficulties/struggles we have. I start thinking about how lucky we are to live in a 3 bedroom house in a mostly quiet and safe neighborhood in Valencia (so lovingly referred to as "Awesometown"). How lucky I am to be able to stay home and not have to deal with the stresses of being a working mother. How lucky we are that we don't have to live in a 1 bedroom apartment somewhere, both of us working to make ends meet and barely making it. Things may not always go the way I want them to. My timelines may not always work out. But, things are always taken care of.... eventually. Bills are paid, food is made.

So, I am sitting here, looking around my house and I realize it is quite a lovely house. We have nice things, comfortable things. And really, do we need nicer? more? bigger? No. I think we don't. I think that as long as we have eachother, and support and love eachother we are fine. I think it's time to write those little "pep talks" and mantras in a visible place. To remind myself of the beauty of simplicity.

I sit here, thinking these things and I realize that it is time for a rebirth. The rebirth of Christine Nicole Brandes. A simpler, happier more content person. Time to appreciate, fully, the beauty that is my life. To appreciate, fully, the love of a wonderful man. To appreciate, fully, the beauty of my children.

I turn on "New Age" channel 856 on DirecTv music channel, I start typing this blog and when I finish it's time for some quiet meditation. To relish in the silence, to be peaceful, to be content.